If you're like many people, your first reaction to learning that your loved one is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender is "How will I ever handle this?" Many people aren't prepared for the words, "I'm gay”, “I’m lesbian”, “I’m bisexual”, or “I’m transgender."

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is here for you. We hope to help you understand your loved one's sexual orientation or gender identity, and its meaning to you, and your relationship with them. Our members are parents, families and friends of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) people. We most likely have been through much of what you are now feeling. We understand.

We can tell you with absolute certainty that you're not alone. According to some statistics, one in every ten people in this country and around the world is GLBT. Approximately one in four families has an immediate family member who is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, and most people have at least one gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender member in their extended circle of friends and family.

This means that there are plenty of people out there you can talk to. We can tell you from our experience that talking about it really helps. There are books to read, telephone help lines to call and people to meet who, by sharing their own experiences, can help you move forward. And PFLAG can connect you with the information and support services you need.

The second thing we can tell you is that - if you wish - you will emerge from this period with a stronger, closer relationship with your loved one than you have ever had before. That's been the case for all of us.

But the path to that point is sometimes not easy.   Some people are able to take the news in stride. But some of us went through something similar to a grieving process with all the accompanying shock, denial, anger, guilt and sense of loss. So, if those are the feelings with which you're dealing, they're understandable given our society's attitudes towards gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender people.  Don't condemn yourself for the emotions you feel. But, since you love your GLBT friend or relative, you owe it to him or her - and to yourself - to move toward acceptance, understanding and support 

While it may feel as if you have lost someone, you haven't. Your loved one is the same person he or she was yesterday. The only thing you have lost is your own image of that person and the understanding you thought you had. That loss can be very difficult, but that image can, happily, be replaced with a new and clearer understanding of your loved one.

If your son or daughter, friend or relative "came out" to you voluntarily, you're probably more than halfway there already. Your loved one's decision to be open and honest with you about something many in our society discourage took a tremendous amount of courage. And it shows an equally tremendous amount of love, trust and commitment to their relationship with you.  Now it's up to you to match their courage, commitment, trust and love with your own.

The best way to get support, receive educational materials and join advocacy efforts is to visit a local chapter meeting. Click here to visit the PFLAG National Site and find a chapter near you.